Episode 6: Junk Food

As a kid, Molly coveted Hostess Twinkies, and Matthew ate something called Jingles. This week, we bury our faces in childhood junk food favorites and ask: which salty and sugary sensations still make our mouths happy? We also find out, once and for all, what cherry snot tastes like. And we talk with our mouths full. Our mothers are furious.

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24 thoughts on “Episode 6: Junk Food

  1. Erika

    Yay for a re-assessment of Junk Food :)
    One of my favorite ice cream flavors at the local parlor is Twinkie. They take a wonderful malt vanilla base and then mix in an entire cake/bar/tube (what do you call one Twinkie anyway?). The buttery flavor mixes with the malt in a wonderful way, and the cream filling never freezes solid (must be the beef fat), so it’s a great texture contrast. Anyway, after your malt milkshake episode, I thought I’d pass it along.
    Also, I bet if you asked nicely on the King Arthur Blog, someone might make you some Ranch powder–I know Penzeys has Creamy Peppercorn powder that also might be a good start… Fun :)

    1. mamster Post author

      Molly, jog my memory: were Ho Hos the ones we couldn’t find? Or was it Ding Dongs? Or did we leave them on the cutting room floor?

  2. DC Sarah

    this was SO funny-what a great thing to listen to over my morning coffee. a couple thoughts-1) i completely understand about the smooth mouthfeel of the ring pop! i think thats why i liked them so much when i was young. 2) BEEF FAT IN TWINKIES???? they were my go-to cake back in the day. horrified. 3) i am in love with cool ranch doritos. probably the only true “junk” i still eat from time to time. i just can’t give them up.

    thanks for the laughs, and happy friday!

  3. Sara in VA

    Just finished listening to this episode, absolutely hysterical! I am listening at work, so had to muffle the laughter which was quite difficult especially during the whole licorice chewing segment. Thanks for making my Friday go by a little quicker!

  4. Erin

    If the Hostess products left you dissatisfied you’ve got to try making whoopie pies, they will restore your faith in your childhood. Great episode!

  5. The 12th Man

    I’ve always been a cheapskate, so the Charleston Chew was my bar of choice. There were practically as tall as I was, and took hours to finish. Tasted like brown candle wax, but like a whole lot of brown candle wax.

  6. Molly

    Thanks, all!

    Erika, I’m really curious about that Creamy Peppercorn powder! We might have to do a whole episode on it. Or not.

    DC Sarah, now I have to go buy a ring pop. I don’t remember them very well, and I want to see about this smoothness…

    The 12th Man, I’m totally kicking myself for not thinking of Charleston Chews. I love candle wax.

    And Lori, don’t worry, we only had a bite of each. We’re not THAT impressive.

  7. mamster Post author

    My mom called to say she thinks powdered ranch dressing mix is the same as ranch powder. It seems plausible. Can anyone confirm or deny?

  8. Welbo

    This podcast had me roaring! The licorice segment was the best. So good I listened twice.
    I thought the Hostess Pie would get a better review;they were always my favorite as a kid. Even though I haven’t eaten one in 20 years I can remember the taste, smell, and texture of them like it was yesterday. Thanks for the walk down memory lane.

    Love the energy and the vibe. Keep up the good work. This is a really fun podcast.

  9. Ines

    Molly and Matthew, your podcast is incredibly funny….I listened to it while I drive and think people must think something is the matter with me because I am laughing so hard…this episode was hilarious. It made me remember my own kind of cupcakes (they were/are called ‘pinguinos’ in Spanish) growing up. Now, I have to make my own test by trying both hostess’ and pinguinos (I think they are made by Bimbo) cupcakes….

  10. SSteve

    I’m incredulous. No Ho Hos? Really? And no one has called you on it yet? Am I suddently in a Twilight Zone universe where I’m the only human who knows what a Ho Ho is? They were the pinnacle of Hostess snackfood-dom. They were Hostess’ last hold-out in my life. I was still occasionally eating them well into my 30s. (Of course it helped if I was a little drunk.)

    Each three-pack contained the perfect trifecta of eating methods. First Ho Ho: start with the outer crust then eat the cake-and-frosting by unrolling with the tongue. Second Ho Ho: eat the entire thing by unrolling with the tongue. Third Ho Ho: start eating it “normally” from one end then remember it’s boring that way and eat the rest the same way as the second.

    I still feel a little pull when I walk past the Hostess display at my grocery store, but I’ve managed to resist for years now.

  11. Molly

    Matthew, you’re right: Ho Hos were the ones I couldn’t find. We did eat Ding Dongs, though. We had an off-color (of course) joke about Ho Hos and Ding Dongs, but we must have cut it.

  12. Erica

    Combine your podcast with the gorgeous sunny, warm day in the northeast and I am a happy woman. People look at me funny when I’m out walking, because I’m laughing so hard I’m practically crying. Make more, please!

  13. SSteve

    I laughed just at the mention of a Ho Hos and Ding Dongs joke. Way mature.

    But really, Ho Hos are two orders of magnitude better than Ding Dongs. Maybe that’s why they were all sold out. I also learned in my extensive Ho Ho research this morning (i.e. one Google search) that they originated in San Francisco, my beloved home town and were presumably real food at their outset (http://www.hostesscakes.com/hohos.asp). Just for the record I think Nutty Ho Hos and Caramel Ho Hos are abominations.

    Thanks for your podcast. I really enjoy it.

  14. T2

    I enjoyed this one so much I couldn’t wait to tell my friends about it that night – over dinner. Maybe that wasn’t the best time for “cherry snot” and the beef fat revelation.

    I was surprised that you went for the cinnamon sugar “gems” (health food by the standards I was raised on) over the chocolate looking glazed ones. I still have the occasional roll of those. They’re even better if you stick them in the freezer first.

    I was glad you didn’t find Ho Ho’s, because it would have been sad to hear they didn’t stand the test of time. Sigh. Oh, and I loved the “tastes brown” comment for the Oreo wafers. It’s so true.

  15. Vanessa

    I am crying I am laughing so hard. That last bit about did me in…
    oh, and now I must go beg a quarter of my coworker so I can raid the vending machine at work for some cool ranch dorritos. thanks guys.

  16. Betsy

    Matthew. TATO SKINS!

    EVERY TIME I see sour cream and onion-flavored chips ANYWHERE, I hum or sing or at least think of that Tato Skins jingle. Except I’ve been singing it wrong all of these years! I was singing “SOur cream and onions” to the “CHEDdar cheese and bacon” line, and could never remember the rest of the words! So I’d sing “SOur cream and onions, na na-na na-na, na na-na po-TA-to…” And then I’d try to remember what those other flavors were.

    Sour cream and chives. CHIVES! I can’t tell you the peace this brings me. HA!

  17. Jenn

    Your podcast just inspired my husband to go out and buy some Doritos for us. I’m both horrified and terribly excited. Thanks for the fun podcast.

  18. Amy

    Oh, Molly. Scandinavian salt licorice and hilarious discussions of ring pops, the oreo brown flavor, and Tato Skins? You made my morning. If you and Matthew are ever to do a sequel to this episode, think about including Tastycake’s Butterscotch Krimpets. They were my fave when I was little and I think they might still taste really good.


    PS I found out about the beef fat thing in collage when in desperation I bought a Hostess Cherry Pie from the vending machine in my dorm. I was bummed for years.

  19. Amy

    Um, that would be college, not collage. Although I like the idea of collage-making sending me to the vending machine in desperation.

  20. Molly

    Amy, I LOVE Butterscotch Krimpets! Or I did as a kid, anyway; I haven’t tasted them lately. The next time I’m on the East Coast, I’ll have to pick up a box. (We don’t have them out here. Very sad.)


  21. Andrew

    Oh my gosh! I laughed so hard at this episode while driving to work- you two are hilarious. Old champagne with Doritos Cool Ranch chips is TOTALLY classy! Thank you again!

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